Tags: dating, divorce, foodbank, long term marriage divorce
It’s crazy when I think about how many times I’ve sat down to write a new blog entry, only to find myself overwhelmed with all of the things I have to say. So much has happened. The longer I put it off, the more overwhelming the process becomes. Today I’ve made the commitment to write something. Anything.
The past four years of my life have proven to be life changing. Extremely life changing. I’m talking about 180 degree change.
As a blogger, I wrote about my family, the foods I cooked, the gardens, the chickens, photography, and other little tidbits about domestic life. I believe I used those things to hyper-focus on the good things I enjoyed, versus writing about the pain, the dysfunction, and failure of my marriage.
The truth is, I didn’t even dream about a better life. I thought I was stuck. As things became harder to bare, the day finally came when I realized I had no choice but to get out of that marriage. It wasn’t really a marriage at all. It was familiar to me, as I was raised in an extremely dysfunctional family. I finally graduated from that level of dysfunction. The ship was going down, and I wasn’t about to sink with it.
I packed a small suitcase, picked up Giovanni and left. I had no money, no job, and I had several health problems. Anything was better than where I was at. I didn’t even look back at the gardens, the chickens, the house, or the perceived security. Nothing was worth giving up anymore time from my life. I had already given close to thirty years. I knew I’d be better off living under a bridge than staying in that sick relationship.
Fast forward four years and here I am happily remarried, healing my heart, and connecting to spirit more than ever before.
The journey getting to this place was quite a roller coaster ride. I suppose life is a roller coaster ride, but this roller coaster seemed to have extra steep ups and downs. It was all worth it. I’m continuing my journey, and I’m sure there will be more ups and downs, but at least it’s in motion and I’m moving forward.
In the past year, I was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). Although a few doctors insist I don’t have ADHD, I have PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). I’m not one for labels, but I will say, the diagnosis has given me a great place to start in seeking solutions for the issues that arise in my life that keep me from accomplishing the goals I’ve set for my future.
Using tools and techniques designed to help people with both ADHD and PTSD has proven beneficial for me. I became a registered hypnotherapist during the time I was ending my marriage. I took a course offered through a highly respectable University of natural health, located here in Washington state. I still continue studying hypnotherapy and NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) through a reputable program offered by a man who is an expert in both hypnosis and NLP.
The fear of leaving the marriage was intense. I felt guilty for all of the wrong reasons. A brief session of hypnotherapy and NLP made it possible for me to leave and keep moving forward and away from my ex-husband. Addiction to relationship is real — to your brain. Maybe it’s better to say the brain can be tricked into believing it’s real. Thankfully, a trusted family member told me, it served no purpose for me to feel guilty about leaving a person who keeps hurting me. He added, “It is better to have one sick person than two.” That was one of the key lines that helped me to drop the guilt immediately. As the smoke cleared, I was able to understand that some people choose to live in darkness. I also learned how we can be manipulated into feeling sorry for people who play the victim.
By the way, it only took one session, by phone, to give me the courage to move and never look back.
It was as though I had lived with my head in the sand, ignoring all of the signs I was being shown. I have a close relationship with my spiritual guidance. I have helped many people with their relationships, but I still avoided the messages “Upstairs” was sending to me. Once I was journaling on the beach, and I asked why I was experiencing such a devastating depression. I clearly heard, “You need to leave your marriage!”. I asked again, because I was sure that couldn’t be the answer. Again I heard, “Leave now!”. It would be a few months later that I had the hypnotherapy that allowed me to do that. Through my ex’s threats of suicide and abandoning me financially, I kept moving forward.
I was lucky enough to have the court order maintenance support which helped me to live in an apartment for a few months. Of course,dishonorable people do not do what they are court ordered- at least not after they find out they don’t benefit from doing the right thing. That part was predictable. I still didn’t go back. I trusted in the Universe, and through the help of good friends and family I stumbled through the first year intact, and I have beautiful memories of that time period.
Sure there were hard times. There were plenty of hard times. I have a tumor-like cyst in my spinal nerve (benign) that causes me a lot of pain. Then about a year after I left, I was t-boned by a car that ran a red light. The accident totaled my treasured old Oldsmobile and left me pretty beat up. I now had shoulder tears, neck damage, numbness in my arms and hands, and a hoarse voice due to vocal cord impingement.
I ended up having to find ways to survive. Standing in line at food banks is a humbling experience. I was frightened. I’d stand in lines looking at what was being offered, remembering the times I had donated to these organizations. It felt surreal. I also thought of all of the food I’d prepared and shared on my blog. .I was so grateful I knew how to cook. On one visit, an elderly male volunteer asked me if I wanted an oxtail. Apparently nobody wanted it, and he was trying to find a taker. I was so excited. A few people around me looked at me like I was nuts, but I knew how good the oxtail stew was going to taste for dinner that night! In food lines you take what you can get and you’re grateful for it. Apples old and bruised? I made applesauce. I learned the difference between “use by” and “best if used by” dates. I don’t know if it’s because I live in the great Northwest, but there was always enough food. I got a little tired of rice and beans, but at least I knew how to cook them to make them flavorful. Growing up poor had its benefits.
Throughout all of these, at times, frightening experiences, I met a man, and I fell in love.
Our happiness was short-lived….
It’s hard to write about any of this, but he has encouraged me to tell my story.
To be continued in Part 2
Tags: boyfriend, challenge, change, divorce, divorce in middle age, Food, grown children, home, hope, life change, long term marriage, love, manfriend, poverty, Thanksgiving
First of all, I’d like to welcome my new subscribers! I have been absent for a long time, but it is always heart warming to see new people visiting and checking out my blog.
I’m so excited to be starting a new chapter in my life. The past three years have been challenging, but I’m a survivor. I’m a “gypsy”, and we gypsy types, laugh in the face of change. Okay, maybe we don’t actually laugh out loud, we laugh inside whilst grimacing. Let me just say this, we know that change is inevitable.
It was not easy to leave my thirty year marriage. Having been a homemaker, stay at home mother, and homeschool mom, I’ve had to deal with the realities of being a single unemployed forty-eight year old woman, with no “marketable” skills and serious health issues.
I left my home with a roll-a-way, aqua colored, suitcase and my little dog ,Giovanni. I didn’t think about my lack of skills, the physical pain, the probable loss of my health insurance, not having enough money to eat, or the long, humbling food bank lines.
For the first time in thirty years, I refused to see my ex’s well-being as more important than my own.
I stopped questioning the Universe. The message was clear, “Leave now!”
Not only was the message clear, the voice was loud, and I knew the voice was from the deepest part of me, and it did not waver. The message was from my spirit. Leaving was necessary for my survival.
I grabbed a few of my personal belongings: my favorite dresses, my boots, makeup, hot rollers, prescription medications, hypnotherapy books, tarot cards, a few protein bars, and Giovanni. I loaded it all into my Oldsmobile, and drove away.
I was was finally free.
Challenges followed. Challenges are still ahead of me.
Yet, I’m still here. The Universe has held me up.
Life is better.
Switching gears now, my son, is in graduate school, on the other side of the country! He will be visiting for Thanksgiving, and I can’t wait! It’s been close to a year since I last saw him. I visited New York City with my boyfriend (sounds weird to call him a “boy”friend, considering we are both in our forties!), and although I was born and lived, on and off, in Upstate New York, I’d never been to the big city. It was, as you might imagine– unless you’ve visited or you live there, then of course it wouldn’t make sense that you’d have to imagine– crowded, to say the least. Tall buildings, loud, subways, taxis , shopping, and food! I love New York, I really do, but I’m happy he will be in Seattle for Thanksgiving.
I don’t cook as much as I used to, but this Thanksgiving, I will have help (manfriend), and I’m not going to be the crazy perfectionist I used to be. I want to enjoy my time with family and friends. That said, there will be food, and lots of it.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 50,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 12 Film Festivals
I’m discovering more about myself and the journey continues. There will be food, but as you know, it isn’nt all about the food.
Walking the path…
Tags: cooking, designer pastas, farfalle, Food, garlic, Italian American, Italian cooking, Italian food, Italian sausage, main dish, mushrooms, Pasta, photography, pottery, recipe, Torino, Weeknight Dinners
Have you seen this beautiful Farfalle pasta by Torino? I was shopping at World Market’s Cost Plus, when this jumped out at me! Look at the beautiful colors.
It cost more than what I like to spend on pasta, but I couldn’t pass this up. They call it “designer” pasta. I’m not into designer fashion, but apparently I’m a sucker for designer pastas now.
The recipe on the back of the box made my final decision. It’s SO simple to make and it tastes so fresh and earthy!
Farfalle with Mushrooms and Sausages
Adapted from Torino pasta recipe
8.8 ounce farfalle pasta
6 ounce mushrooms (possibly porcini or 2 ounce dry porcini put in water to soften for 2-3 hours)- I used a package of wild Italian mushrooms I found at World Market
6 oz fresh sweet sausage-I used Italian sausage from Whole Foods
5 oz white wine
1/4 white onion
1/2 clove garlic- I used whole
1 oz extra virgin olive oil
2 oz light cream — I used whole milk
3 oz grated pecorino or parmesan cheese- I used both
pepper and salt to taste
In a skillet, sautee x-tra virgin olive oil with garlic and onion–finely chopped. Add the sausage without skin, and cook for 5 minutes to color. Add the mushrooms and cook slowly and add the white wine. When it looks ready, add the salt and pepper and light cream.
Cook the pasta al dente in plenty of salted water. Drain pasta and place in the sauce skillet mix on top of stove for 2 minutes and then serve with cheese.
The mushrooms are SO earthy!
I served it with chardonnay
Simple enough for a weeknight meal, and flavorful enough to impress company.
Tags: angelnina, angelnina's cottage, baking, cooking, ethnic, flowers, Food, gardening, gnome, Greek food, photography, phyllo, recipe, spanakopita, spanokopita, spinach, spinach pie, tulip, vegetable garden, Vegetarian
Spanakopita or Spinach Pie
Adapted from a recipe posted online–years ago–by Jack Roemer
14 Phyllo Pastry sheets
2 cloves garlic, crushed
4 Tbsp olive oil + 4 Tbsp melted butter
spray olive oil
40 ounces frozen spinach, chopped OR 2 – 16oz pack
1/2 cup chopped fresh Italian(flat leaf) parsley
1/4 cup chopped sweet onion
3 Tbsp fresh chopped dill
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 cup cottage cheese –I use lowfat
6 ounces feta cheese, crumbled
a light sprinkling of white wine vinegar- approx 2 tsp
Thaw and drain the 2- 16oz packages of spinach.
Crush the garlic and drop into the olive oil and butter. Set aside.
To make the filling, squeeze the spinach between your hands to remove most of
the liquid. Place in a bowl or in a food processor. Add the parsley, onions,
dill, nutmeg, salt and pepper. Stir in the cottage cheese, egg and
feta. –NOTE- I do it all in the processor except for the feta. — Combine well. Lightly coat a 9 x 13 inch baking dish with nonstick cooking spray.
Lay one sheet of phyllo in the bottom of the dish and drape the edges overthe
sides of the dish. Spray lightly with cooking spray and cover with another sheet of phyllo dough. Brush that sheet with the garlic-olive oil mixture.
Layer a total of four sheets, coating each alternately with nonstick cooking spray and olive oil. Spread half the filling over the prepared phyllo dough. Lay another sheet of dough over the filling and coat lightly with cooking spray. Lay down another sheet and lightly coat with olive oil mixture. Continue alternating spray and olive oil for a total of four
sheets. Layer remaining spinach filling on dough. Sprinkle on the vinegar-as evenly as possible.
Continue layering phyllo dough over the filling, spraying the first sheet and alternately brushing with olive oil and spraying subsequent sheets. The last layer has 6 sheets.
When finished, brush the surface with olive oil mixture and roll the edges of the doughin ward to create an attractive rim around the outside. Score the surface with a sharp knife into 12 portions.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Bake for 40 minutes until golden. I turn on the broiler at this point for 1-2 minutes (keep pan in center of oven) WATCH IT, or you will burn the top layer! Allow to cool 10 minutes before serving. Makes 12 portions.
Test kitchen notes: Phyllo means “leaf” in Greek. The dough is usually available in the frozen food section of most supermarkets or in Greek or Middle Eastern markets. For best results, allow dough to defrost overnight in the refrigerator. Keep it covered with wax paper and a damp towel while making pie.
The Gardens in April and Early May
I’ve decided to post my gardens once a month. I want to document the stages of growth.
This is the time of year I start to get excited about gardening. I love my flowers, but I especially love the vegetable and herb gardens.
That said, I planted an assortment of flowers from seed this year. I rarely do this, but my cousin , MaryAnne, who lives in upstate New York, sent me seeds from her own flower gardens and a packet of Honey Bear Sunflower seeds, which means I might have a new passion. I’ll post on those as soon as the seeds germinate.
The terracotta pot above is my husband’s great find. It is from Mexico, and I thought a few coral colored begonias, double pink impatiens, along with a few chicks from my Hens and Chicks plants, would look lovely in this pot.
The portable greenhouse is filled with starts and seedlings:
Tomatoes, cucumbers, pumpkins, artichoke, basil, and squash are waiting to go under the cloche of the front gardens.
Flowering seeds are in their little seed pots too.
As you can see, the backyard garden has plenty of cool weather plants:
lettuce, radish, beets, onions, spicy mixed lettuces, carrots, broccoli, and several herbs.
Tags: baking, birthday party, cake, chocolate, chocolate bundt cake, chocolate cake, cooking, dog, dog party, Food, low fat choclate glaze, low fat ganache, pet party, recipe, yorkie
I’ve been out of commission for a while. Back surgery. Needless to say, before my surgery I was a bit stressed. Rather than lie around and worry about the outcome, I decided to do something cheerful. My little dog, Giovanni, turned 6 years old on March 1st. What better way to cheer myself than to throw a party?
Yes, I know I’m running the risk of being labeled “Crazy Dog Lady”. I’ve been called worse names than that, so I set out to give Giovanni a party. I invited a few close girlfriends and family members.
I baked a chocolate bundt cake, and Mark made a huge pot of his famous Turkey Chili.
Giovanni’s party invitation was posted on Face Book because everybody seems to check their Face Book page more often than their telephone messages. The invitation made it clear that this wasn’t going to be one of those “do gooder” parties where people tell you not to bring a gift. I mean, a dog’s life is limited and this boy loves a new toy.
I was expecting people to tease me, but instead I was a little taken aback by how quickly people replied to the invitation, and everybody sounded so excited.
“We wouldn’t miss it!”
“We’ll be bringing more than one gift!”
“OH! Can’t wait to see little Gio!”
Maybe dog really is man’s best friend. All of a sudden I realized how much power I have as the owner of a cute little dog that my friends and family seem to adore. What if I told people Giovanni is now into Le Creuset cookware? It’s possible, right?
Some of the guests arrived with fancy decorated gift bags filled with tissue wrapped toys and dog apparel. A few others just kept the toy in the store bag–Gio didn’t care. He isn’t picky. Toys that squeak, chew toys, soft fur covered toys, fancy doggy sweaters, and then some!
It was all going swimmingly, until….
Giovanni looked more excited than I had ever seen him before. He had opened every single gift—all 19 of them. Yes, that’s right, 19 toys! I never knew squeakers could be so loud.
I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. We all sat in chairs circling the panicky, shaking, drooling, panting, now extremely hyper-active Giovanni!
He was out of control and looked like he was going to pass out at any minute. Giovanni was now the center of our Universe, and he knew it. This was just too much for a little five pound pooch. When I saw his eyes start to roll back into his head, I moved the party guests into the dining room for dinner and tried to hide a few of his toys .
Greedy boy that he is, he followed me staring longingly at each “hiding place” I stuffed a toy in. He glared at me with his piercing brown eyes. I knew he was asking, “Whose party is this anyway?”
People, this went on for days, until Mark finally hid the toys in the garage. I was happy to make Mark the heavy.
The chili was a hit, the cake was a huge success, and when the guests left, I felt as though I had just thrown a party for a very spoiled toddler. I was exhausted. We went to bed early that night.
I’m four weeks out of surgery. Still recovering from the back surgery itself, but doctor could not remove cyst because it is inside the spinal nerve. He removed some bone and stitched me back together. In my heart of hearts, I believe all will be well.
CLICK BELOW TO CONTINUE TO RECIPE FOR BUNDT CAKE
Tags: baking, banana, banana blueberry bread, banana bread, blueberry, cooking, Food, healthy, light, low fat, lowfat, pecans, photography, raspberry, recipe, sweet breads
Quick post to share a wonderful recipe I found online. With only 3 Tbsp of oil in 2 loaves, I thought for sure this would be too dry, but it wasn’t! I did add an extra banana that I had frozen. I only had a cup of blueberries, so I threw in a cup of raspberries. I forgot to add the pecans to the batter, so I spread them over the top and pushed them down a little.
They baked much faster than the time in this recipe, so check them super early
Delicious! Lowfat! YUM!
Keep in mind I made several changes and you can find them
behind the cut, so click below to see mine…