Mark and I spent an afternoon at the beach this weekend. While relaxing to the sound of seagulls and waves lapping on the shore, I was reading Wayne Dyer’s book, The Power of Intention. Dyer gives us a list of “Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego’s Hold On You”.
1. Stop Being Offended
2. Let Go of your Need to Win
3. Let Go of your Need to be Right
4. Let go of your Need to be Superior
5. Let Go of your Need to have More
6. Let Go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievments.
7. Let Go of your Reputation
As I read the list and his brief explanations of each step, I smiled in agreement.
Over the years, I’ve discovered I am the master of my own happiness and my own misery. This is a powerful discovery because it tells me I am never a victim. It also means I have to take responsibility for my choices and cannot blame others for my perceived problems.
We humans seem to be filled with all kinds of romantic notions involving our own personal story . Whether ours is a story of pleasure or a story of pain, we like to dive head first right into the center of it. We claim it and we wallow in it. We believe the story is who we really are.
We receive a temporary pleasure or high from sharing our great achievments. There is nothing wrong with being confident in your abilities. It is only when we think our achievments define us or somehow make us special or superior to other people that moves us into the ego.
If we’re honest with ourselves, we also derive pleasure when we drag others into our drama to feel sorry for us or to share in an incident which offended us. It’s called a Pity Party. We’ve all attended and thrown several pity parties. They can be a good time, but they all end up doing nothing more than making the ego stronger, and blocking us from our true selves. Some people might assume I am saying they shouldn’t discuss a situation that has upset them. I’m not. If you are able to choose a compassionate person with some level of spiritual consciousness (one who isn’t interested in feeding or stroking your ego), and you are able to discuss the issues with an open mind, I believe it can be a positive journey into healing. I have a few friends who are willing to discuss solution with me rather than groom my ego. I call them when I am stuck. We work together on solutions. We work on awareness.
Some people are too caught up in their ego thoughts and need a little support to point them toward consciousness. These folks are easily offended. I am not surprised. The ego chooses to take the smallest remark and contort it into an attack. As a an intuitive counselor, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard dramatic descriptions of a person’s feelings when describing an experience, that for others, including myself, might have no effect without ever giving it a second thought.
I used to worry because some people are so “sensitive” that I might be going around offending people left and right.
As I grew and understood my own spirit on a deeper level, I recognized that I cannot control how another person interprets my words or actions. Especially if the person is in ego. As a matter of fact, the ego searches for reasons to be offended. As long as I am aware that my intentions are never to harm another, and that my mind is open to learn new things, I have to be true to my spirit. Of course I use tact, and this isn’t about hammering my opinions into others or saying, it is too bad if somebody takes what I say the wrong way. What I’m saying is quite the opposite. Instead of hiding or being passive aggressive and pretending there is no problem, I invite people to share ideas or feelings with me.
Sometimes people do not show up in a conscious state and instead allow the ego to run the show. People are very attached to their egos. I recognize the ego right away. It might show up as sarcastic, arrogant, and controlling. It may also show up as a sugar sweet passive actor. An ego state might agree with you to avoid conflict. The ego is cowardly. The ego is afraid of being humiliated. The ego has many disguises. I know I cannot reason with the ego. The ego is insane. The ego must win and it always will. It digs at me and tries to get me to go into ego too. It’s best in those moments to be compassionate and stay in my own place of awareness. It’s best for me to standby and be as balanced as possible and allow the other person the opportunity to hear their own voice or feel their own energy. It isn’t necessary for one of us to win or lose. If you see your fellow man as yourself, you no longer care about winning an argument. Winning implies your fellow man or woman must lose. Winning and losing is of the ego. Do you feel happy when your friend or loved one loses?
Does this mean you are supposed to be agreeable? No, that is passive aggressive–ego. You simply state your truth, open your mind, listen, and understand there may be several things going on. Are you in ego? Is the other person in ego? Step back and breathe. If you can be in a calm state of mind you can feel it in the energy. Pay attention. Breathe. If you sense they are in their ego, remember how scared you feel when you are in ego. Have compassion and agree to view things different and open your heart. You might learn something. You might even realize that the other person’s point of view may make more sense. Can you imagine that? It feels great when that happens. You learn from your loved one. What a wonderful feeling!